(Editor's note: This sermon was first preached in Sheridan, OR in 1988, and reworked to be presented in Ceres, CA on November 25, 2001. The interesting thing is that the opening illustration is about a young couple in Patterson, CA just 25 miles from Ceres. Nobody stepped forward to say they knew this couple, but different ones did remember the newspaper coverage of the story.)
Young people know more about real love that most of us old timers will give them credit for. What we know that they sometimes don't is that even strong affections can be fickle. And when the worst happens, most of the time we stand a good chance for recovery.
This pattern of young love began as Felipe Garza started dating Donna Ashlock. Felipe was 15; Donna was 14. They dated steadily until Donna cooled the romance and began dating other boys. Even though Donna had ended the relationship -- for six months Felipe could not let his feelings fade.
While at work one day Donna doubled over in pain. Doctors soon discovered that she was dying of degenerative heart disease and desperately needed a heart transplant. Felipe heard about Donna's condition and told his mother, "I'm going to die, and I'm going to give my heart to Donna." Now, young people have been known to say "irrational" things from time to time, especially when they're in love. At any rate Felipe appeared to his mom to be in perfect health.
Three weeks later, however, Felipe woke up and complained of pain on the left side of his head. He began losing his breath and couldn't walk. He was taken to a hospital where it was discovered that a blood vessel in his brain had burst, soon leaving him brain dead!
Felipe's sudden death mystified his doctors. While he remained on a respirator, his family decided to let surgeons remove his heart for Donna and his kidneys and eyes for others.
Life is filled with mystery and Donna received Felipe's heart! After the transplant, Donna's father told her about Felipe's sudden death. In the following moments of silence, Donna, unsure until just then said, "And I have his heart." Her father said, "Yes, that is what he and his parents wanted."
Several days later, a funeral procession seemed to roll on forever through the orchards and fields of Patterson. The procession was so long it might have been for a senator or a prince, but instead it was for the young man who gave away his heart.
In John 12 we read of a young lover with a similar spirit (12:1-9).
As a young lover did you ever experience the impulse of "climb the highest mountain or swim the wildest river" or do something totally out of character like write poetry or a song? I hope you have felt those urges -- they are the spice and romance of life. But more to the point are you occasionally struck by an impulse to lavishly express your love for Jesus? Or is your spiritual life more of a business arrangement? Are you one of those who believes that religion should be "reasonable"? You are aware of the drawbacks and benefits, and it only makes sense to avoid the negatives as far as possible.
In this passage you and I discover that true love, whether it is romantic or spiritual, is smothered in a coldly calculating world of weights and measures, accountants and record keepers. By following the example of Mary, we can discover the joy of wasteful love.
From the accountant's perspective, Mary qualifies for the title of "The Prodigal Daughter" -- prodigal meaning "squanderer" or "one who is extravagantly wasteful." Judas saw a years wages spilled on the ground. Mary was the type who wouldn't even balance her checkbook until after the holidays. It might hamper her giving!
For well over a year Jesus had been predicting His own death. On His previous journey to Bethany for the purpose of raising Lazarus from the grave, Jesus said, "The Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for many." Jesus had told them in detail that He would "be betrayed into the hands of the chief priests . . . they would mock him . . . flog Him and kill Him" (Mark 10:33).
For whatever reason (we may never know) the majority of disciples did not get it. However, John gives clues that Mary was one disciple who did get it! In verse seven Jesus hints that Mary has believed Jesus' prediction of His death and had been saving this ointment for His burial. As the last week of Jesus' life was about to begin, He was, again, preparing His followers for the days of crisis. Unfortunately His teaching was not sinking in any better than it had before. But Mary could see that the time had come. In her heart now, she began to search for an expression of her loyalty and love.
Remembering the ointment for His burial, she acted on her desire to glorify Jesus before He died. For those without her insight, and from a human view, she was extravagant, overly generous, reckless and perhaps a little foolish. Yet when she looked at the person who was going to lay down His life for everyone, she knew that calculating how much devotion to show was not possible.
It was an outlandish display. But it was all love -- without an ounce of self interest. The Pharisees knew how to worship so that men were impressed. They gave their alms, and said their prayers and did their fasting with extravagant public appeal. But Mary's act of worship lacked any interest in her public image. It was all, it was only for Jesus.
In Palestine no respectable woman appeared in public with her hair unbound -- it would be comparable to an Afghan lady being without her burka. Mary was not thinking about herself. She was not concerned with what they might think of her love for Jesus. Why she used her hair, I don't know, but I'm sure this powerful aroma would cling to Jesus for several days, and now to Mary as well. She would for some time bear a reminder of her Master's sacrifice.
Regardless of "why", the principle she models is that true love is heedless of the crowd. Michal despised David's elaborate display of love for God. Job's friends came to detest his stubborn love for God. And Judas hated Mary. But Mary never gave their opinion a thought. Her focus was on Jesus, not the crowd or a set of regulations. True love does not diminish because of opposing opinions.
A second principle she models is that true love is sacrificial. By nature it is extravagant, generous and occasionally reckless. You might just dive into that wild river! Yet how many enter into the Christian faith like they would another business deal? They calculate the negatives: It might require some time, extra energy and perhaps some money. On the positive side, most of the people are friendly and there just might be a heaven and what if there really is a hell?
These kinds of Christians are not necessarily easy to spot. Remember that Judas kept his cover very well. But in their heart, they complain about how much money it takes to keep missionaries on the field. They get upset at the cost of adequate facilities for worship and training. Some even ask, "Why does a worship service have to interrupt the beginning of the football game?" For that matter, "Why does Sunday come once a week? Why not once a month?" After a while it does -- for them. These folks don't get real excited about letting their neighbors know they are Christians.
These are Christians who have entered into a nicely calculated business arrangement. They identify with Christ, just enough to "make it" - they hope. But, of course, they never know with certainty, so they are not really happy with the arrangement.
I believe the Marys of the faith are easier to pick out. Have you ever noticed how lovers seem to look for ways of sacrificing? They seem to go out of their way to enhance their relationship. They hold hands in public regardless of what other people think. They never feel like they have enough time or money to spend on the other person. Football games don't interfere. Sacrifice is actually fun! Where true love is present, sacrifice is the norm.
O. Henry illustrates this in one of my favorite short stories ever. It is pretty simple, that's why it appeals to me. It is titled "The Gift of the Magi". A young couple, Della and Jim, were very poor but very much in love. Each had one unique possession. Della's was her dazzling long, thick hair. When she let it down it could almost serve as a robe. Jim had a priceless gold watch, which had been his father's and before that his grandfather's. It was the day before Christmas, and Della had exactly $1.87 to buy Jim a present.
Her only option for getting more money was to sell her hair to a wig maker. With the money she bought Jim a platinum fob for his watch. When Jim came home that night and saw Della's cut hair, he stopped and stared in shock. It wasn't that she was less attractive. Part of his surprise was how beautiful she was without her hair.
Della, however, was on the verge of panic, not being able to interpret his stunned look. In her effort to explain, she made Jim open his gift early. Jim now was even more speechless, and to explain his pent up weakness gave Della his gift to her.
It was a set of expensive tortoiseshell combs with jeweled edges for her long hair - a set of combs that Della had been admiring for several months. The irony was . . .. Jim had sold his watch to afford them.
He sold his watch to buy combs for her hair; she sold her hair to buy a fob for his watch. It appears that each of them had sacrificed in vain. But did they? In the process of losing some "things", did they not gain more of each other? Isn't that what matters most with lovers?
Mary's heart recognized Jesus' impending death as an extravagant, lavish display of God's love. She knew what all lovers know by instinct: Heaven is not a place for the stingy economy of a nicely calculated business arrangement.
Nothing is less wasteful or more wonderful than offering Jesus a sacrificial token of loyalty and devotion, however costly that offering may be. Young lovers of Jesus know this; their impulse is to waste their lives for Him. However, it was to a group of old timers that Jesus said, "I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first" (Revelation 2:4,5).
These up coming holy days can be a time to fall in love with Jesus all over again.l Life may not be able to sustain itself in the frenzy of fresh love (except perhaps in Heaven), but there is never room for cold calculations of assets and debits in any kind of real love. How warm is your love for Jesus?
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
What is Your Family Character?
October 16, 1994
What were the most important values or convictions in the home that you grew up in? Sometimes these values are communicated through favorite family slogans: stupid is as stupid does; waste not want not; a penny saved is a penny earned... Sometimes these values were emphasized through repeated lectures and modeling.
Some theme will surface after 20 years in the same family. What were prominent principles that came out of your family?
Looking back on my growing up years I recall some lessons that were taught in a graphic fashion. For one, my dad hated the thought of wasting food. I remember more than once my dad cleaning out the
refrigerator by pulling out the leftover dishes that had begun to mold- scraping it off and eating the remainder so that it wouldn't be "thrown out."
I also was taught that the least hint of boasting was horrible. It was more appropriate to talk about failures than successes. Dad had a very high regard for honesty. Being truthful ,even when it hurt, was the first sign of real manhood. My parents also modeled the concept that, ultimately, the only thing that made real sense in life was serving God.
The point of all this is to remind ourselves that the home and family is the first place where values are communicated and taught. It happens whether you plan for it to happen or not. It is not unusual for the unplanned moments to have a bigger impact than the infamous family lectures.
The question for each of us is this: What are the dominant values you are communicating? Or, what are the dominant values you will want your life to communicate? Some of us are at a transition point. Maybe you feel your parents have blown it. Unfortunately, most of us have, but what are your plans to make your family experience better? How will you teach your children better values?
The challenge for today's family and future families is the same: Let's be intentional in the choice of values we pass on. I have four values for you to think about. Perhaps after you have thought about them, they would at least be contenders for your own list of family values.
My number one is desire for everyone in my family to come to know, love, and serve Jesus in a personal, sold-out way. I do no mean that I want my family to be "religious". Some religious rituals are very important and are a way of encouraging a relationship with Jesus, but if the relationship has not come first, the religious activities are sterile and lifeless. Going to church every week to impress God or a person is stupid; going to experience the spirit of Jesus and express your love to God makes all the sense in the world.
Religion is not my first value- knowing Jesus is. Until the members of my family love Jesus, they will be living without His strength, without His wisdom, without His peace. They will be living without dozens of privileges that come with knowing Jesus.
Then there's the question: If Jesus is not their supreme value, who or what is? Whoever or whatever that value is will diminish them, set them up for a horrible crash. To avoid this, the Bible says, "Bring (your children) up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Help them discover that following Jesus should be their number one value.
A second principle I want my family to discover is the value of building and rebuilding significant relationships. Life is one long series of relationships, starting with the family, school, work/career,
neighborhood, church. Relationship skills require significant nurture.
I want my family to know that relationships are not disposable. Certainly they can and do breakdown. Part of the answer is good communication and following God's direction. For example, Matthew 5:23 gives direction for the occasion when you realize you've hurt a brother or sister, and Matthew 18:15 gives direction for those occasions when they've hurt you.
If we use the two greatest commandments as a guide, then teaching your family to value first their relationship with God, and then their relationships with others should be priorities one and two.
Along this line I feel it is important, wherever we can, to choose relationships carefully. II Corinthians 6:14 says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For...what fellowship can light have with darkness?" Almost every single person I know hates this verse. It cuts thousands from the field of marriageable candidates down to only a handful. Why would God be so spiteful? (Could it be He understands marriage?)
In a marriage where one spouse is Christian and the other is not, you have a situation that would be like two foremen on the same construction site working with completely different blue prints. They would never get past arguing over how to build the foundation.
So let's say the Christian gets weary and gives up his or her spiritual convictions in order to be compatible. That is comparable to a couple thinking they're in love, but one has AIDS. So in a romantic notion of self sacrifice, the healthy one convinces the other to go ahead with the marriage and take no precautions against the disease, knowing he or she too will get AIDS. The romance of that decision wears off when the symptoms begin to wreak their havoc!
I want my family to know the value of building significant relationships- how to choose correctly and how to reconcile wisely.
A third conviction I want my family to understand and experience is the value of character development. Today success and performance for profit value is seen as all-important. The unspoken value that is being spoken more often is "whatever it takes, succeed." I want to know who's saying, "It matters how you play the game." Who is beating the character drum? Are employers, or coaches, or fans, or even parents?
It turns out that character development is a family function. Proverbs 13:24 says, "He who spares the rod hates his child, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." An accurate paraphrase would go like this, "He who neglects the job of developing character does not love his children."
Do you want your children to be people of honor, to live with self-discipline and self-control, to have respect for proper authorities? Then these traits must be taught. Heredity does not equip a child with proper attitudes. Instructive discipline is not something you do to a child, it is something you do for them. Children are not born with character (Christians aren't even reborn with mature character). It must be taught.
Do parents who are concerned about character development for their children write notes to school for excusing absences, cover for late assignments, or get them off traffic violations? Do these parents pay their children's fines for them so they never experience the consequences of wrong actions? This always comes back to haunt parents. Loyalty, honesty, and self-discipline are virtues worth developing. However, if families don't make these values priorities, they won't happen.
The fourth principle I would like you to ponder is the value of peak performance in a worthwhile endeavor. Colossians 3:23 says, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for man." Can we bring the value of peak performance to our family?
Commitment and dedication are being ridiculed unless they are related to monetary or worldly success. Why is it, all our best ideas and efforts are reserved for the market place or worldly success. The world says you've got to be some kind of fanatic if your best efforts are offered to family and Jesus.
Certainly any endeavor that is wroth doing is worth your best effort. God made you a multi-dimensional being with unique talents and gifts. The only way to enjoy these talents completely is through a maximum effort.
These four values: Jesus, relationships, character development, and peak performance- are only representative of a possible list for your family. Once challenge for you is to come up with your own list of values, and then the bigger challenge would be to instill them. It might be worth having a family meeting to discuss what your dominant values are and what you would like them to be for your family.
What were the most important values or convictions in the home that you grew up in? Sometimes these values are communicated through favorite family slogans: stupid is as stupid does; waste not want not; a penny saved is a penny earned... Sometimes these values were emphasized through repeated lectures and modeling.
Some theme will surface after 20 years in the same family. What were prominent principles that came out of your family?
Looking back on my growing up years I recall some lessons that were taught in a graphic fashion. For one, my dad hated the thought of wasting food. I remember more than once my dad cleaning out the
refrigerator by pulling out the leftover dishes that had begun to mold- scraping it off and eating the remainder so that it wouldn't be "thrown out."
I also was taught that the least hint of boasting was horrible. It was more appropriate to talk about failures than successes. Dad had a very high regard for honesty. Being truthful ,even when it hurt, was the first sign of real manhood. My parents also modeled the concept that, ultimately, the only thing that made real sense in life was serving God.
The point of all this is to remind ourselves that the home and family is the first place where values are communicated and taught. It happens whether you plan for it to happen or not. It is not unusual for the unplanned moments to have a bigger impact than the infamous family lectures.
The question for each of us is this: What are the dominant values you are communicating? Or, what are the dominant values you will want your life to communicate? Some of us are at a transition point. Maybe you feel your parents have blown it. Unfortunately, most of us have, but what are your plans to make your family experience better? How will you teach your children better values?
The challenge for today's family and future families is the same: Let's be intentional in the choice of values we pass on. I have four values for you to think about. Perhaps after you have thought about them, they would at least be contenders for your own list of family values.
My number one is desire for everyone in my family to come to know, love, and serve Jesus in a personal, sold-out way. I do no mean that I want my family to be "religious". Some religious rituals are very important and are a way of encouraging a relationship with Jesus, but if the relationship has not come first, the religious activities are sterile and lifeless. Going to church every week to impress God or a person is stupid; going to experience the spirit of Jesus and express your love to God makes all the sense in the world.
Religion is not my first value- knowing Jesus is. Until the members of my family love Jesus, they will be living without His strength, without His wisdom, without His peace. They will be living without dozens of privileges that come with knowing Jesus.
Then there's the question: If Jesus is not their supreme value, who or what is? Whoever or whatever that value is will diminish them, set them up for a horrible crash. To avoid this, the Bible says, "Bring (your children) up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Help them discover that following Jesus should be their number one value.
A second principle I want my family to discover is the value of building and rebuilding significant relationships. Life is one long series of relationships, starting with the family, school, work/career,
neighborhood, church. Relationship skills require significant nurture.
I want my family to know that relationships are not disposable. Certainly they can and do breakdown. Part of the answer is good communication and following God's direction. For example, Matthew 5:23 gives direction for the occasion when you realize you've hurt a brother or sister, and Matthew 18:15 gives direction for those occasions when they've hurt you.
If we use the two greatest commandments as a guide, then teaching your family to value first their relationship with God, and then their relationships with others should be priorities one and two.
Along this line I feel it is important, wherever we can, to choose relationships carefully. II Corinthians 6:14 says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For...what fellowship can light have with darkness?" Almost every single person I know hates this verse. It cuts thousands from the field of marriageable candidates down to only a handful. Why would God be so spiteful? (Could it be He understands marriage?)
In a marriage where one spouse is Christian and the other is not, you have a situation that would be like two foremen on the same construction site working with completely different blue prints. They would never get past arguing over how to build the foundation.
So let's say the Christian gets weary and gives up his or her spiritual convictions in order to be compatible. That is comparable to a couple thinking they're in love, but one has AIDS. So in a romantic notion of self sacrifice, the healthy one convinces the other to go ahead with the marriage and take no precautions against the disease, knowing he or she too will get AIDS. The romance of that decision wears off when the symptoms begin to wreak their havoc!
I want my family to know the value of building significant relationships- how to choose correctly and how to reconcile wisely.
A third conviction I want my family to understand and experience is the value of character development. Today success and performance for profit value is seen as all-important. The unspoken value that is being spoken more often is "whatever it takes, succeed." I want to know who's saying, "It matters how you play the game." Who is beating the character drum? Are employers, or coaches, or fans, or even parents?
It turns out that character development is a family function. Proverbs 13:24 says, "He who spares the rod hates his child, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." An accurate paraphrase would go like this, "He who neglects the job of developing character does not love his children."
Do you want your children to be people of honor, to live with self-discipline and self-control, to have respect for proper authorities? Then these traits must be taught. Heredity does not equip a child with proper attitudes. Instructive discipline is not something you do to a child, it is something you do for them. Children are not born with character (Christians aren't even reborn with mature character). It must be taught.
Do parents who are concerned about character development for their children write notes to school for excusing absences, cover for late assignments, or get them off traffic violations? Do these parents pay their children's fines for them so they never experience the consequences of wrong actions? This always comes back to haunt parents. Loyalty, honesty, and self-discipline are virtues worth developing. However, if families don't make these values priorities, they won't happen.
The fourth principle I would like you to ponder is the value of peak performance in a worthwhile endeavor. Colossians 3:23 says, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for man." Can we bring the value of peak performance to our family?
Commitment and dedication are being ridiculed unless they are related to monetary or worldly success. Why is it, all our best ideas and efforts are reserved for the market place or worldly success. The world says you've got to be some kind of fanatic if your best efforts are offered to family and Jesus.
Certainly any endeavor that is wroth doing is worth your best effort. God made you a multi-dimensional being with unique talents and gifts. The only way to enjoy these talents completely is through a maximum effort.
These four values: Jesus, relationships, character development, and peak performance- are only representative of a possible list for your family. Once challenge for you is to come up with your own list of values, and then the bigger challenge would be to instill them. It might be worth having a family meeting to discuss what your dominant values are and what you would like them to be for your family.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Refuge and Healing
October 1994
St Michael's Monastery in San Christo, Portugal is perched high on a three hundred foot cliff. You can only reach the monastery by a terrifying ride on a swaying basket that is pulled up by a single rope as several of the sturdy Brothers strain and pull together. One American tourist got nervous about half way up the cliff. He looked down and noticed something he had not seen when he had stepped into the basket. He thought that the rope looked old and a little frayed. So he asked, "How often do you change the rope?" The monk who was in charge said, "Whenever it breaks."
The American home seems to be in that same kind of precarious situation! The basket is swaying, the rope is frayed and pulling apart. Down below we see a lot of wreckage from previous falls. According to a study completed at the University of Rhode Island, the home is a dangerous place to be -- the most dangerous place to be outside of riots and wars. This study indicates that no less than thirty percent of all American couples experience some form of domestic violence in their lifetime. This helps explain why twenty percent of all police officers killed in the line of duty are killed while answering calls involving family fights. Up to fifteen million women are battered every year in our nation. No one knows how many children are battered and abused. We just know the figures are on the increase (editors note: and this was written in 1994!).
The crippling psychological damage is beyond comprehension. The tragedy is that we tend to pass on to our children the very hurt and pain that we have received. The abused child grows to be a child abuser; the child whose self esteem has been devastated tends to be the kind of parent who devastates and destroys the self esteem of his or her children. It is clear there is a bondage to the negative that enslaves and embitters millions of children, youth and adults. Many homes resemble a battlefield.
This morning I want to talk about some issues close to the heart of every parent. The Bible tells us that God intended for the home to be a place of health and healing. It should be a safe haven in the dangerous world. It should never be a place of fear or the source of hurting. Some of God's most explicit directives are intended to safeguard the institution of the home. For example: The command to honor your parents, and the command against adultery (Exodus 20). Or the warning to parents about embittering their children in Colossians 3:21. Or the warnings about failing to teach and failing to discipline our children - these and many more instructions represent God's intention to guard the home.
This morning we will look at God's intention for the home from two angles: First, the home as a place of health, and second, the home as a place of healing. If it is to be a healthy place someone must be in charge of healthy living. If it is to be a place of healing, again, someone must have a strategy for healing the traumas we encounter. In both instances, parents are given primary responsibility.
If physical health is a major concern, a strategy of prevention is the key. Statistically the three most effective things you can do to live long and enjoy life are : 1) never smoke; 2) never mix drinking and driving; and 3) always wear a seat belt. If you add to these three ingredients a good diet, exercise, personal hygiene and up dated vaccinations, you've done just about everything you can do. You might want to throw in avoiding illegal activities such as drug running and drive by shootings.
If spiritual health in the home is a major concern, the three most effective things that should be done are for parents to once again become responsible for: 1) the moral education of their children, 2) using the Bible as their curriculum, and 3) seeing the world as their classroom.
Moses instructed parents concerning God's commandments, "Impress them on your children" (Deuteronomy 6:7). Solomon told parents, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6). Paul exhorted Ephesian fathers to "Bring your children up in the training and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4).
The hard part is that the Bible does not allow believing parents the privilege of delegating the moral instruction of their children -- not to Sunday School teachers, not to Christian schools, not even to youth pastors! You are responsible to be involved first hand! The good news is if you get involved you will learn a great deal.
If Christian parents are the teachers, then the curriculum is the Bible. You may have noticed, the Bible is a big book -- you will never master it, certainly you can't expect your family to do so either. So what specific ideas are you going to etch into their minds? You may need to concentrate on some main ideas. Admittedly what I am going to share with you is subjective. You may have your own list but these are three Biblical issues I feel are important. I want my family to master these concepts: 1) Christianity is a relationship; 2) serving Jesus is the most satisfying thing a person can do; and 3) obeying Jesus leads to a blessed life. Just as a note, "blessed" does not always equal prosperous.
Too many people are confused into thinking that Christianity is a moral code with good habits such as church attendance. No way! It is a relationship with Jesus, filled with conversation and companionship. Don't blow it here! Christianity is a relationship with Jesus. It is not a set of rituals and rules. This kind of thinking leads to chronic anger and feeling that "I can never be good enough." The second thing I would like to do is spare my family from wasting their lives searching for the one satisfying thing -- it is only Jesus, not awards, toys and thrills! Finally, I want them to know that obeying God pays rich rewards. I want them to know that the restrictions we find in God's Word have very good explanations. If we hear God out, we discover that His commands come from His wisdom and His love for us. They're not a way for God to throw His weight around. Our children need to know God's commands are evidence of His love.
If parents are the teacher and the Bible is the curriculum - then the classroom is the world. Moses said in regard to teaching God's Word to our children, "Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up" (Deuteronomy 6:7).
This is the same method Jesus used. When He began His ministry, He called twelve men to follow Him. He called them to "hang out with Me, ask questions, interact, challenge." After three years of companionship He left them powerfully marked.
Jesus' method has never been improved upon. If you have children hang out with you beyond the TV, they will see how you relate to God, use your talents and gifts, obey God and find satisfaction in serving Him -- or something else.
If you take responsibility for the moral instuction of your children, if you use the Bible for your curriculum, and the world for your classroom, you will have gone a long way toward insuring the spiritual health of your home.
But what happens if someone gets hurt anyway? Even wearing a seat belt doesn't always prevent serious injury. The best of homes experience close calls in parenting. Perhaps exhausted and frustrated, a parent attacks a child's self esteem -- now what do we do? What if the children just rebel?
Certainly, we must learn to ask forgiveness and bear each others burdens. But beyond that the home needs three elements to bring healing: 1) attentive healers, 2) a co-operative patient, and 3) a helpful atmosphere for healing.
Attentive healers have first been healed by Jesus, then they have been trained in what to do. Typically, in a crisis, parents feel unqualified. But today there is an abundance of training material for parents to become qualified. Dr Dobson's books Dare to Discipline, Preparing for Adolescence, etc are a good place to start.
Besides being a lifetime learner, a good healer will be accessible. Ephesians 6:4 warns ". . . do not exasperate or embitter your children." What is it that embitters? We might be surprised at what research is showing. It would appear that right now absentee parents embitter more than anything else.
A very surprising statistic is being studied by economists. The fastest growing family unit in the USA is the single income home -- not the single parent home. Statistics from the US Bureau of Labor indicate that women of child bearing age have been leaving their jobs and returning home in significant numbers. The biggest change is among young, married women ages 20 to 24. (Barrows, Wall Street Journal, "Working Woman".)
The explanation for this is more complicated than we have time to go into, however, one commentator writes, "Boomer women (1946-64) saw their 50's moms trapped at home; Busters (1965-77) see themselves or their friends as victims of parental neglect; a whopping forty percent were raised by divorced or separated parents."
It would seem we have raised a generation of exasperated and embittered children, made so by absentee parents pursuing career and wealth. An encouraging trend with the newer generation is that they value relationships higher than careers and material things!
That is good because if parents are going to have a part in healing trauma they must be accessible! Certainly, there must also be a co-operative patient. Why is it that some wounded family members refuse to step up for treatment? Perhaps because of their immaturity they have a hard time putting feelings into words, or knowing that principles are more important than feelings. Perhaps the issue is embarrassment: Maybe they've tried and felt neglected.
Without becoming the Gestapo, parents need to find out what causes wounded children to stay away from help. Eventually we may have to let go and learn to pray.
Finally, we must examine our home for regular opportunities for healing. If your home were a trauma center, what are the office hours? When can a family member comfortably step up and say, "I have a problem"?
In that regard: It is important to have meals where conversation is unhurried. Obviously not every meal, maybe not even every evening meal, but several meals a week should not be unusual to have the TV and phone off. With younger children bed time should be guarded. Take regular walks, bike rides, dates, (and my personal favorite) vacations -- long vacations!
We also need to be committed to the long haul. Even a year or two of rejection does not have to be the last chapter: Be patient, commit to the principles.
Families following Jesus will provide healthy homes, and even when trauma does happen, they will be places of healing, places where burdens are shared and bonds are built, not broken.
Homes can be healing places when:
1) Parents learn Christian principles about the home
2) They encourage openness, and
3) They have regular office hours.
St Michael's Monastery in San Christo, Portugal is perched high on a three hundred foot cliff. You can only reach the monastery by a terrifying ride on a swaying basket that is pulled up by a single rope as several of the sturdy Brothers strain and pull together. One American tourist got nervous about half way up the cliff. He looked down and noticed something he had not seen when he had stepped into the basket. He thought that the rope looked old and a little frayed. So he asked, "How often do you change the rope?" The monk who was in charge said, "Whenever it breaks."
The American home seems to be in that same kind of precarious situation! The basket is swaying, the rope is frayed and pulling apart. Down below we see a lot of wreckage from previous falls. According to a study completed at the University of Rhode Island, the home is a dangerous place to be -- the most dangerous place to be outside of riots and wars. This study indicates that no less than thirty percent of all American couples experience some form of domestic violence in their lifetime. This helps explain why twenty percent of all police officers killed in the line of duty are killed while answering calls involving family fights. Up to fifteen million women are battered every year in our nation. No one knows how many children are battered and abused. We just know the figures are on the increase (editors note: and this was written in 1994!).
The crippling psychological damage is beyond comprehension. The tragedy is that we tend to pass on to our children the very hurt and pain that we have received. The abused child grows to be a child abuser; the child whose self esteem has been devastated tends to be the kind of parent who devastates and destroys the self esteem of his or her children. It is clear there is a bondage to the negative that enslaves and embitters millions of children, youth and adults. Many homes resemble a battlefield.
This morning I want to talk about some issues close to the heart of every parent. The Bible tells us that God intended for the home to be a place of health and healing. It should be a safe haven in the dangerous world. It should never be a place of fear or the source of hurting. Some of God's most explicit directives are intended to safeguard the institution of the home. For example: The command to honor your parents, and the command against adultery (Exodus 20). Or the warning to parents about embittering their children in Colossians 3:21. Or the warnings about failing to teach and failing to discipline our children - these and many more instructions represent God's intention to guard the home.
This morning we will look at God's intention for the home from two angles: First, the home as a place of health, and second, the home as a place of healing. If it is to be a healthy place someone must be in charge of healthy living. If it is to be a place of healing, again, someone must have a strategy for healing the traumas we encounter. In both instances, parents are given primary responsibility.
If physical health is a major concern, a strategy of prevention is the key. Statistically the three most effective things you can do to live long and enjoy life are : 1) never smoke; 2) never mix drinking and driving; and 3) always wear a seat belt. If you add to these three ingredients a good diet, exercise, personal hygiene and up dated vaccinations, you've done just about everything you can do. You might want to throw in avoiding illegal activities such as drug running and drive by shootings.
If spiritual health in the home is a major concern, the three most effective things that should be done are for parents to once again become responsible for: 1) the moral education of their children, 2) using the Bible as their curriculum, and 3) seeing the world as their classroom.
Moses instructed parents concerning God's commandments, "Impress them on your children" (Deuteronomy 6:7). Solomon told parents, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6). Paul exhorted Ephesian fathers to "Bring your children up in the training and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4).
The hard part is that the Bible does not allow believing parents the privilege of delegating the moral instruction of their children -- not to Sunday School teachers, not to Christian schools, not even to youth pastors! You are responsible to be involved first hand! The good news is if you get involved you will learn a great deal.
If Christian parents are the teachers, then the curriculum is the Bible. You may have noticed, the Bible is a big book -- you will never master it, certainly you can't expect your family to do so either. So what specific ideas are you going to etch into their minds? You may need to concentrate on some main ideas. Admittedly what I am going to share with you is subjective. You may have your own list but these are three Biblical issues I feel are important. I want my family to master these concepts: 1) Christianity is a relationship; 2) serving Jesus is the most satisfying thing a person can do; and 3) obeying Jesus leads to a blessed life. Just as a note, "blessed" does not always equal prosperous.
Too many people are confused into thinking that Christianity is a moral code with good habits such as church attendance. No way! It is a relationship with Jesus, filled with conversation and companionship. Don't blow it here! Christianity is a relationship with Jesus. It is not a set of rituals and rules. This kind of thinking leads to chronic anger and feeling that "I can never be good enough." The second thing I would like to do is spare my family from wasting their lives searching for the one satisfying thing -- it is only Jesus, not awards, toys and thrills! Finally, I want them to know that obeying God pays rich rewards. I want them to know that the restrictions we find in God's Word have very good explanations. If we hear God out, we discover that His commands come from His wisdom and His love for us. They're not a way for God to throw His weight around. Our children need to know God's commands are evidence of His love.
If parents are the teacher and the Bible is the curriculum - then the classroom is the world. Moses said in regard to teaching God's Word to our children, "Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up" (Deuteronomy 6:7).
This is the same method Jesus used. When He began His ministry, He called twelve men to follow Him. He called them to "hang out with Me, ask questions, interact, challenge." After three years of companionship He left them powerfully marked.
Jesus' method has never been improved upon. If you have children hang out with you beyond the TV, they will see how you relate to God, use your talents and gifts, obey God and find satisfaction in serving Him -- or something else.
If you take responsibility for the moral instuction of your children, if you use the Bible for your curriculum, and the world for your classroom, you will have gone a long way toward insuring the spiritual health of your home.
But what happens if someone gets hurt anyway? Even wearing a seat belt doesn't always prevent serious injury. The best of homes experience close calls in parenting. Perhaps exhausted and frustrated, a parent attacks a child's self esteem -- now what do we do? What if the children just rebel?
Certainly, we must learn to ask forgiveness and bear each others burdens. But beyond that the home needs three elements to bring healing: 1) attentive healers, 2) a co-operative patient, and 3) a helpful atmosphere for healing.
Attentive healers have first been healed by Jesus, then they have been trained in what to do. Typically, in a crisis, parents feel unqualified. But today there is an abundance of training material for parents to become qualified. Dr Dobson's books Dare to Discipline, Preparing for Adolescence, etc are a good place to start.
Besides being a lifetime learner, a good healer will be accessible. Ephesians 6:4 warns ". . . do not exasperate or embitter your children." What is it that embitters? We might be surprised at what research is showing. It would appear that right now absentee parents embitter more than anything else.
A very surprising statistic is being studied by economists. The fastest growing family unit in the USA is the single income home -- not the single parent home. Statistics from the US Bureau of Labor indicate that women of child bearing age have been leaving their jobs and returning home in significant numbers. The biggest change is among young, married women ages 20 to 24. (Barrows, Wall Street Journal, "Working Woman".)
The explanation for this is more complicated than we have time to go into, however, one commentator writes, "Boomer women (1946-64) saw their 50's moms trapped at home; Busters (1965-77) see themselves or their friends as victims of parental neglect; a whopping forty percent were raised by divorced or separated parents."
It would seem we have raised a generation of exasperated and embittered children, made so by absentee parents pursuing career and wealth. An encouraging trend with the newer generation is that they value relationships higher than careers and material things!
That is good because if parents are going to have a part in healing trauma they must be accessible! Certainly, there must also be a co-operative patient. Why is it that some wounded family members refuse to step up for treatment? Perhaps because of their immaturity they have a hard time putting feelings into words, or knowing that principles are more important than feelings. Perhaps the issue is embarrassment: Maybe they've tried and felt neglected.
Without becoming the Gestapo, parents need to find out what causes wounded children to stay away from help. Eventually we may have to let go and learn to pray.
Finally, we must examine our home for regular opportunities for healing. If your home were a trauma center, what are the office hours? When can a family member comfortably step up and say, "I have a problem"?
In that regard: It is important to have meals where conversation is unhurried. Obviously not every meal, maybe not even every evening meal, but several meals a week should not be unusual to have the TV and phone off. With younger children bed time should be guarded. Take regular walks, bike rides, dates, (and my personal favorite) vacations -- long vacations!
We also need to be committed to the long haul. Even a year or two of rejection does not have to be the last chapter: Be patient, commit to the principles.
Families following Jesus will provide healthy homes, and even when trauma does happen, they will be places of healing, places where burdens are shared and bonds are built, not broken.
Homes can be healing places when:
1) Parents learn Christian principles about the home
2) They encourage openness, and
3) They have regular office hours.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
A Heart of Gratitude
Thanksgiving 2003
If I were Paul writing my memoirs I would've included Acts 13:8-12 (sorcerer - down!); or Acts 16:18 (fortune teller - exorcised!); or Acts 16:26 (jail break!). We only know these stories because of Luke.
When Paul looked back on his missionary career he listed some of the significant events, such as his stays in prison, the times he was flogged (five times by lash and three times by rod), when he was stoned, shipwrecked (three times) and betrayed by a false brother on several occasions.
I'm thinking if anyone has the credentials to write a statement like I Thessalonians, it is Paul. He said, "Give thanks in all circumstances (not for them), for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Paul was not a masochist. And he wasn't writing a Thanksgiving sermon. He did not thank God FOR the flogging - but he allowed gratitude to bubble back to the surface of his heart when the pain gave his mind room to think.
This passage challenges each of us to understand that even serious griefs and aggravations are temporary in the context of God's over all plan for our spiritual well being. No matter how bad circumstances become, we can be grateful and confident that Satan has not blind-sided God. For the follower of Jesus there is always one issue more significant than life or death. Your relationship with Jesus tomorrow is more important than whether you live or die today.
Unless life makes a radical change, or you move to Utopia, circumstances will eventually become grim. I trust you are living in the glow of a recent success and I hope that glow lasts a long time. But the light will eventually dim and the shadows of the enemy will start dancing on the walls of your safest room, your sanctuary. At that point, the way back to fresh victory is by re-establishing a heart of gratitude to God for what He has done.
King Jehoshaphat had been energetically doing God's will. And enjoying some success. He had diligently been re-establishing a proper respect for God and justice in Judah. He might've expected some help from God. At the beginning of 2 Chronicles 20 it appears that the king is not going to get that help. It appears circumstances are pointing to disaster.
Read 2 Chronicles 20:1-30
If you had an enemy closing in on you, what song would you sing? I don't know all the words but "Raindrops Keep Fall'n on My Head" sounds appropriate. When a vast army is coming to pillage my home and dance on my grave, the doxology does not immediately spring to mind.
Jehoshaphat is naturally alarmed. But he calls a congregational meeting and they go to prayer. They remember God's faithfulness in Joshua's day. They confess their weakness and they ask for help.
The enemy of your soul wants to use adversity to drive you away from God. Truth be told, he wants to crush you up into his own version of a protein drink and devour you as calories for his ravenous ego. Satan doesn't feed his stomach, he feeds his ego and you're his favorite meal. But before he can do that he has to put a wedge between you and God. So with every crisis he whispers that God has mistreated you: "If God were good this horrible thing would never have happened."
The facts of the matter are never fully put forward. In some cases we may be completely to blame, but we still blame God for not "catching us" after we got drunk and drove the car into the canal.
At times we are relatively innocent but the drunk in the other car runs us into the canal, and instead of holding them responsible we blame God. "If God were so wise, why did He give that idiot freewill?" Forgetting how often that idiot is us. . . well, probably not you.
The point is, adversity presents a temptation to slander God. At that moment a heart of gratitude to Jesus defeats Satan just when he thinks he is strongest. In Jehoshaphat's day the people of God overcame the enemy by committing themselves - even in the storm - to being a worshipping community.
Their fight song (battle cry) became "Give thanks to the Lord, for His love endures forever," through sickness, loss, good health, success. "Give thanks to the Lord, for His love endures forever." Notre Dame will probably keep theirs -- but that is their problem.
Where is your biggest battle right now? Can you picture the enemy puffing himself up at your weakness? Getting excited about your adversity? Try the fight song once more: "Give thanks to the Lord, for His love endures forever." The enemy thinks that you are ready to give up! Just say it again with a little more conviction.
We like to think that when we sign up to be on God's side our dreams and plans take "ten giant steps forward" and we're almost across the finish line in the game of "Mother May I."
Faith is a forward journey, for sure, but rarely do we see more than one step at a time. And faith always includes risk. "Harmless risk" is an oxymoron. If there is no potential harm, there is no real risk, and no heroes of the faith.
We can be certain that when we are on God's side the final chapter will be victorious. The last chapter in God's book tells us about a new city, and the river of life and the reversal of sin's curse and the bright presence of Jesus. And every committed follower gets to share in that victory. But we should never presume that because the last chapter is such a wonderful success that each chapter between now and then will be equally delicious.
If you need a miracle on this side of heaven, it is because you are in a bad way. We all want miracles, but we try as hard as we can to avoid needing one. Only sick people need healing.
Only the person with puss infected sores and body parts so eaten away with leprosy that the next time he picks up a piece of wood for the fire he'll lose a finger is the person who needs the healing touch of Jesus. It would've been awesome to have been the person who experienced the power of Jesus restoring two dead legs. The downside is that your legs had to die first: No walking, running, climbing, playing, dancing!
In the mean time, the time before the miracle, the time when the path is dark and your steps are motivated only by faith -- in that time know this: God did not send the dark, but He will use it to shape your character in profound ways.
The information in God's Word is given for the purpose of transforming your heart. Faith is informed by the Word of God and when information has done its transforming work, you are ready to walk into the dark places.
Every leader of warriors has learned that victory is on the other side of (in Churchill's words) "blood, toil, tears and sweat." Or in Garibaldi's words, "Hunger, thirst, forced marches, battles, and death." Victory is through the dark.
Jesus knew that victory was on the other side of the cross. "And for the joy set before Him He endured the cross" (Hebrews 12:12). Jesus has been to the darkest places a man can go. He has faced the most ferocious enemy a person can battle. He has experienced the deepest humiliations. And He has won.
And by faith in Him He will share the victory with you. The steps may be dark, the threats may be loud, but His presence will be your guide and counselor. So when you hear reports of an approaching enemy with a vast army you can remember where Jesus has been and how He has been victorious. You can join a worshipping community that precedes Jehoshaphat, and that community will continue on after you have found your rest. Today you can sing, "Give thanks to the Lord, for His love endures forever."
A day is coming when you will join a throng of people starting at Adam and including your distant grandchildren, and angels that so impressed John the Revelator that he recorded the impact of that victory song this way:
"Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude,
like the roar of rushing waters
and like peals of thunder, shouting:
Hallelujah!
For our Lord God Almighty reigns.
Let us rejoice and be glad and give Him glory!"
(Revelation 19:6,7)
"Give thanks to the Lord, for His love endures forever!"
If I were Paul writing my memoirs I would've included Acts 13:8-12 (sorcerer - down!); or Acts 16:18 (fortune teller - exorcised!); or Acts 16:26 (jail break!). We only know these stories because of Luke.
When Paul looked back on his missionary career he listed some of the significant events, such as his stays in prison, the times he was flogged (five times by lash and three times by rod), when he was stoned, shipwrecked (three times) and betrayed by a false brother on several occasions.
I'm thinking if anyone has the credentials to write a statement like I Thessalonians, it is Paul. He said, "Give thanks in all circumstances (not for them), for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Paul was not a masochist. And he wasn't writing a Thanksgiving sermon. He did not thank God FOR the flogging - but he allowed gratitude to bubble back to the surface of his heart when the pain gave his mind room to think.
This passage challenges each of us to understand that even serious griefs and aggravations are temporary in the context of God's over all plan for our spiritual well being. No matter how bad circumstances become, we can be grateful and confident that Satan has not blind-sided God. For the follower of Jesus there is always one issue more significant than life or death. Your relationship with Jesus tomorrow is more important than whether you live or die today.
Unless life makes a radical change, or you move to Utopia, circumstances will eventually become grim. I trust you are living in the glow of a recent success and I hope that glow lasts a long time. But the light will eventually dim and the shadows of the enemy will start dancing on the walls of your safest room, your sanctuary. At that point, the way back to fresh victory is by re-establishing a heart of gratitude to God for what He has done.
King Jehoshaphat had been energetically doing God's will. And enjoying some success. He had diligently been re-establishing a proper respect for God and justice in Judah. He might've expected some help from God. At the beginning of 2 Chronicles 20 it appears that the king is not going to get that help. It appears circumstances are pointing to disaster.
Read 2 Chronicles 20:1-30
If you had an enemy closing in on you, what song would you sing? I don't know all the words but "Raindrops Keep Fall'n on My Head" sounds appropriate. When a vast army is coming to pillage my home and dance on my grave, the doxology does not immediately spring to mind.
Jehoshaphat is naturally alarmed. But he calls a congregational meeting and they go to prayer. They remember God's faithfulness in Joshua's day. They confess their weakness and they ask for help.
The enemy of your soul wants to use adversity to drive you away from God. Truth be told, he wants to crush you up into his own version of a protein drink and devour you as calories for his ravenous ego. Satan doesn't feed his stomach, he feeds his ego and you're his favorite meal. But before he can do that he has to put a wedge between you and God. So with every crisis he whispers that God has mistreated you: "If God were good this horrible thing would never have happened."
The facts of the matter are never fully put forward. In some cases we may be completely to blame, but we still blame God for not "catching us" after we got drunk and drove the car into the canal.
At times we are relatively innocent but the drunk in the other car runs us into the canal, and instead of holding them responsible we blame God. "If God were so wise, why did He give that idiot freewill?" Forgetting how often that idiot is us. . . well, probably not you.
The point is, adversity presents a temptation to slander God. At that moment a heart of gratitude to Jesus defeats Satan just when he thinks he is strongest. In Jehoshaphat's day the people of God overcame the enemy by committing themselves - even in the storm - to being a worshipping community.
Their fight song (battle cry) became "Give thanks to the Lord, for His love endures forever," through sickness, loss, good health, success. "Give thanks to the Lord, for His love endures forever." Notre Dame will probably keep theirs -- but that is their problem.
Where is your biggest battle right now? Can you picture the enemy puffing himself up at your weakness? Getting excited about your adversity? Try the fight song once more: "Give thanks to the Lord, for His love endures forever." The enemy thinks that you are ready to give up! Just say it again with a little more conviction.
We like to think that when we sign up to be on God's side our dreams and plans take "ten giant steps forward" and we're almost across the finish line in the game of "Mother May I."
Faith is a forward journey, for sure, but rarely do we see more than one step at a time. And faith always includes risk. "Harmless risk" is an oxymoron. If there is no potential harm, there is no real risk, and no heroes of the faith.
We can be certain that when we are on God's side the final chapter will be victorious. The last chapter in God's book tells us about a new city, and the river of life and the reversal of sin's curse and the bright presence of Jesus. And every committed follower gets to share in that victory. But we should never presume that because the last chapter is such a wonderful success that each chapter between now and then will be equally delicious.
If you need a miracle on this side of heaven, it is because you are in a bad way. We all want miracles, but we try as hard as we can to avoid needing one. Only sick people need healing.
Only the person with puss infected sores and body parts so eaten away with leprosy that the next time he picks up a piece of wood for the fire he'll lose a finger is the person who needs the healing touch of Jesus. It would've been awesome to have been the person who experienced the power of Jesus restoring two dead legs. The downside is that your legs had to die first: No walking, running, climbing, playing, dancing!
In the mean time, the time before the miracle, the time when the path is dark and your steps are motivated only by faith -- in that time know this: God did not send the dark, but He will use it to shape your character in profound ways.
The information in God's Word is given for the purpose of transforming your heart. Faith is informed by the Word of God and when information has done its transforming work, you are ready to walk into the dark places.
Every leader of warriors has learned that victory is on the other side of (in Churchill's words) "blood, toil, tears and sweat." Or in Garibaldi's words, "Hunger, thirst, forced marches, battles, and death." Victory is through the dark.
Jesus knew that victory was on the other side of the cross. "And for the joy set before Him He endured the cross" (Hebrews 12:12). Jesus has been to the darkest places a man can go. He has faced the most ferocious enemy a person can battle. He has experienced the deepest humiliations. And He has won.
And by faith in Him He will share the victory with you. The steps may be dark, the threats may be loud, but His presence will be your guide and counselor. So when you hear reports of an approaching enemy with a vast army you can remember where Jesus has been and how He has been victorious. You can join a worshipping community that precedes Jehoshaphat, and that community will continue on after you have found your rest. Today you can sing, "Give thanks to the Lord, for His love endures forever."
A day is coming when you will join a throng of people starting at Adam and including your distant grandchildren, and angels that so impressed John the Revelator that he recorded the impact of that victory song this way:
"Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude,
like the roar of rushing waters
and like peals of thunder, shouting:
Hallelujah!
For our Lord God Almighty reigns.
Let us rejoice and be glad and give Him glory!"
(Revelation 19:6,7)
"Give thanks to the Lord, for His love endures forever!"
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